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THE BATTIAD.
CANTO the Firſt.
LONDON: Printed for G. SMITH, near Temple-Bar (Price Six-pence.) MDCCL.
THE BATTIAD.
CANTO the Firſt.
[]AWAKE, my Muſe, whate'er thy Name may be,
Or ſprung from heav'nly ſeed, or low degree,
Whether thou equal'ſt Garth's majeſtic rage,
Or crawl'ſt, like Blackmore, thro' the drowſy Page,
Much it imports the Bus'neſs to explain
That ſhook the puny ſtate of Warwick-Lane:
Then, thrice-invok'd, expand thy raven's wing,
Vaſt is the task, for thou haſt much to ſing.
[...] [...]o [...]k, to thee I dedicate my lays;
Tho' no Degree thy equal merit raiſe,
Yet ſhall your skill to lateſt times indure,
Like Graduates oft you kill, like them you ſometimes cure.
'Twas now the day when Fellows, Fellows meet,
To talk of weighty matters, then to eat;
Mean while the Patient, from his tyrant free,
Inhales freſh health, and lives without a Fee.
Firſt BATTUS came, deep-read in worldly art,
Whoſe tongue ne'er knew the ſecrets of his heart;
In miſchief mighty, tho' but mean of ſize,
And, like the Tempter, ever in diſguiſe.
[4]
See him with aſpect grave, and gentle tread,
By ſlow degrees, approach the ſickly bed:
Then at his Club behold him alter'd ſoon,
The ſolemn Doctor turns a low Buffoon:
And he, who lately in a learned freak
Poach'd ev'ry Lexicon, and publiſh'd Greek,
Still madly emulous of vulgar Praiſe,
From Punch's forehead wrings the dirty bays.
But who is that whoſe gogling Eye-balls ſcowl,
Like the full Orbs of the Cecropian fowl?
Hail, POCUS, Hail!—Ye Midwives, ſound his fame!
Ye Nurſes, ſing in Lullabies his Name!
'Tis his to eaſe from pangs the lab'ring wife,
And tug the little Offspring into life.
As blind Tireſias, on a luckleſs day,
Loſt his firſt Sex, as antient Poets ſay;
So purring POCUS, once ſcarce known to fame,
Of an unskilful Leach, a Matron grave became.
Him Granta ſaw, and bade her learned Veſt
Bind his broad Shoulders, and embrace his Cheſt;
Yet never quaff'd he of her ſacred ſtream,
No Muſe inſpiring waits his morning dream.
The Scarlet Robe its heavy Wearer mocks;
So ſits a Racer's Saddle on an Ox.
As he paſs'd by, a num'rous tribe ſucceeds,
Thick as in ſtanding corn the purple weeds;
Names you could hardly think did e'er exiſt,
But that you ſee them in the College Liſt.
And D—d, a Giant Spectre, ſlouch'd along;
Then Br—n march'd onward, deep in phyſic leer,
And chatt'ring Ch—n-y wriggled in the rear.
Each Aeſculapian Sage aſſumes his ſeat,
When BATTUS thus foreſtalls the promis'd treat.
"Ere yet we on the choiceſt viands dine,
"Ere the deep glaſs be dy'd with gen'rous wine,
"Think, think my friends, what miſchiefs threat our State,
"Now Ruin perches on our College-gate;
"There Graduate Schomberg for his anſwer ſtands,
"Examin'd thrice, his ent'rance loud demands:
"But by yon Pile, where on the chiſſel'd ſtone
"The well-wrought Madman ſeems to live and groan,
" [...]here on clean ſtraw, ſequeſter'd in th [...] [...],
"The Patriot, Sage, and Bard immortal dwells,
"I ſwear, my ſoul deteſts the hated league,
"And Hell, if Heav'n ſhould fail, ſhall ſecond my Intrigue.
"Sooner ſhall rivers to their ſprings return,
"Or Warwick-Lane at ſickly ſeaſons mourn;
"Sooner ſhall roſes bloom upon the main,
"Fiſh ſport in woods, nay I turn† Whig again;
"Than Schomberg in our College find a place:
"This interdicting hand ſhall cruſh his race;
[6] "What tho' he claim admittance as his right,
The pow'r of numbers makes a raven white.
"Our Alma-Mater ſhall in vain proteſt,
"'Tis mine to make her bow her haughty creſt;
"Down, down with Cam and Iſis rev'rend ſchools,
"Shall we proceed on dull exploded rules?
"Now welcome thoſe on Leman's banks who feed,
"The fat Batavian, and the Sons of Tweed;
"Theſe in full ſwarms ſhall all our College fill,
"And claim an equal privilege to kill;
"While I ſuperior to the reſt ſhall fit,
"A Lect'rer, Mimic, Editor, and Wit.
"Nor ask what cauſe inflames my ſtubborn hate,
"My ſettled purpoſe is as fix'd as Fate;
"Reject our Claimant, nor his threat'nings fear,
"OURSELF thro' Law's wild maze will guide you clear
"'Till ev'ry Court my deep addreſs ſhall own;
"What!—are your BATTUS' arts ſo little known?"
He ſaid, and paus'd; the Midwife rear'd his ſize,
Rolling from ſide to ſide his * Ox-like eyes;
And while the ſcarlet Heroes he addreſs'd,
Thick eructations half his ſpeech ſuppreſs'd.
"I undiſmay'd with thee will greatly dare,
[7] "With thee I'll miſinterpret, meanings ſtrain,
"Or wade thro' miry roads of deep chicane.
"As Hounds together in one couple ty'd,
"As Pope and Devil ſitting ſide by ſide,
"As Mountebank and quaint Jack-Pudding join,
"So ever mix thy friendly name with mine.
"Nor think I've idly ſlept, you know my trade
"Is Nature's dark receſſes to invade;
"Thro' alleys groping, lo! I ſet to view
"The affidavit of an half-ſtarv'd * Jew;
"And did not I my critic skill diſplay?
"Man, haughty Man, indebted to the Brutes,
"Aſſumes that name which beſt his nature ſuits;
"Heroes are Lions in an human ſhape,
"A Fox the Stateſman, and the Beau an Ape;
"Then, to reward the yearnings of my ſoul,
"Salute your Midwife by the name of Mole.
"Nor think I'll ever from your banners fly,
"I Schomberg hate, nor know the reaſon why:
"Perhaps too oft his buſy Sire I meet,
"That curſed chariot rolls thro' ev'ry ſtreet;
[8] "Perhaps—I know not what inflames my rage,
"But youthful ardor thaws my frozen age;
"Sleepleſs I lye, I foam, I toſs, I rave,
"Mad as the Prieſteſs in Apollo's cave.
"Let Heberden his views by truth direct,
"Let Reeve oppoſe, an obſtinate Elect;
"Let Leatherland be ſtubborn to his truſt,
"Faint-hearted wretch, who dares not be unjuſt;
"Ourſelves ſit here above the dread of law,
"Each pow'rful Fellow is a grim Baſhaw;
"Tho' when from hence he drives his painted wain,
"He ſhrinks into his Nothingneſs again.
"Then hear your POCUS, my Aſſociates dear,
"Drive Schomberg hence, nor yield to idle fear.
"So Child's and Batſon's ſhall your triumphs tell,
"And ev'ry Pariſh toll her Paſſing-Bell.
"Then, gentle Brethren, give your kind aſſent."
He ceas'd, the Rabble roar'd, "content, content."
Loud was the din—Thus prouling out for food
The cackling mother leads the waddling brood;
If ought diſturb them, all together cry,
And the hoarſe clangor echoes thro' the sky;
Gooſe anſwers gooſe with diſſonance of voice,
And Sarum's ſteeples catch the grating noiſe.
The End of the Firſt Canto. Shortly will be publiſhed, The BATTIAD. Canto the Second.
Notes
*
The epithet ſwift-footed given to Achilles, who was famous for ſlaying Mankind, is, by being reverſed, a moſt high compliment on the Learned Gentleman to whom it is applied.
†
The Ed [...]tor is in doubt with himſelf whether it ſhould not be Wig; for Battus is as apt to turn his wig for the entertainment of his company, as his coat for his own private emolument.
*
An epithet that ſo much exalted the beauty of Homer's Juno, muſt no doubt paſs an high compliment on the grace of feature of our incomparable Midwife.
†
Aedepol.] It was the cuſtom of the Roman Ladies to ſwear by Caſtor, as the Men did by Hercules. An aſſeveration by the Temple of Pollux was made uſe of by both ſexes, and therefore aptly put in the mouth of the Midwife.
*
Half-ſtarv'd Jew.] Pocus, by his great ſkill in the occult ſciences, found out a Jew in a certain corner of the town, and got him to make an affidavit that Schomberg was born abroad; which was true in fact, for he never ſaw England 'till he was two or three years old; and, in conſequence of not being a native, was incapable of being admitted Fellow, at leaſt this was the joint opinion of Battus and Pocus.
†
O and A] While Schomberg was carrying on his bill of Naturalization, an anony⯑mous letter was written to the Sp—r of the H—e of C—mm—ns, purporting that Schomberg intended to impoſe upon the Par—t, for whereas he of late ſpelt his name with an O, he, or his father, uſed formerly to write it with an A. The Midwife is, for many reaſons, ſuſpected to be the author of this letter, for, among others, two witneſſes are ready to depoſe upon oath that he can write.
- Citation Suggestion for this Object
- TextGrid Repository (2016). TEI. 4675 The Battiad Canto the first. University of Oxford Text Archive. University of Oxford, License: Distributed by the University of Oxford under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License [http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/]. https://hdl.handle.net/11378/0000-0005-D824-F